Picture Post: Worth 1,000 Words

Brent driving through the big city market at "Hope"

Market Colors and Crowds

Claire found a nest!

Not thrilled with how our tiled bathroom turned out, but the mason was skilled at masonry not tiling, AND at least it's not a latrine!!

Claire's friend who lives near her Auntie Shelly & Auntie Brittany's house

Ethan and his soccer buddies near his aunties' house

Kids make incredible toys from tin cans

More friends

Water-totin' mama near the mango tree

At the pump - this is as close as we get to running water at our house

Smile like it's easy.  ;)

Hard work

Just love this pic

Trying to set up electric at the aunties' house

Our lil gull is a growin' - Happy 5th Claire

Such a card!

Almost got them all

Living room furniture thanks to some colleagues!

First successful from scratch cake & icing for our birthday girl

got the screens up in the windows, now we need a ceiling to close up the house.

Propane stove (European size) and some useful furniture we had made for our kitchen storage

Our front porch. Soon we hope to have a screen door to keep people from wandering into the house

Draw water from the pump, put into the 55 gal barrel, filter through the Katadyn filter to make it drinkable

African Sunset

Soccer field down the hill from our house

Rough Roads

Road Trips to the Middle of No Where

We've been in Africa for 3 weeks or so now. We've driven a lot on really bad roads. There are some that are literally pock-marked by gigantic pot holes. We knew the roads would be bad, but not this bad & we have some worse ones to travel yet! So far, not much of a problem with motion-sickness thanks to Dramamine. Though on our last trip, Laura's Dramamine did not kick in right away & she ended up with vertigo & a 5 hour trip took much longer due to the needing to stop for her to toss her cookies 8 or so times. At one point we stopped to try to allow her meds to kick in and she laid down on the road, to try to stop the spinning, strategically resting in front of our vehicle to keep from getting hit by trucks bounding down the dirt road. Villagers came out of the bushes to stare and ask if we were ok. Some people took pictures! They were really curious & concerned for this sick foreigner. I bet it was quite a sight to see a white woman laying on the road with her husband kneeling, fanning her with a hand fan! 

Later down the road, we had to stop due to traffic backed up by two trucks stuck in the mud. One had overturned and the other determined it could not pass without tipping once it made it to the middle of the bog. Africans are so resourceful. They took a tire off the overturned truck to allow the other one space to pass and the traffic cleared up in 45 minutes! Thankfully, a dose of Dramamine started to take effect during that stop, and the swerving and constant bumping did not bother Laura anymore. We got in well after dark – not a great idea to drive at night here. It's dark with no street lights, so pot-holes jump out at you, and you never know what will be crossing the road (even at 10pm): people, cows, sheep, ducks... Needless to say, we rested up for a few days after that rough trip. All throughout we kept thanking the Lord that our car had A/C & was able to keep trekking after getting some bad gas that caused us to stall 15 times while we were driving. Reaching out to the unreached doesn't come without some challenges. Thankfully, we've had some decent road trips since this one.

Hurry Up and Wait!

I hear that this is the lifestyle that many missionaries experience: Hurry Up and Wait.

They hurry to get in line at a bank in Africa only to find out it takes waiting most of the day and they will have to come back the next day to start all over. They hurry up to get trained before heading to the field for their first term and then wait for funds to come in. They wait for medical issues to clear up and then hurry to get visas and then wait at airports for their visas and passports to arrive by fed-ex before rushing to their flight only to sit for 9 hours and then wait for a connection for another 8 hour flight. I've been told this by other missionaries and have only experienced some firsthand.

Right now, we are rushing to get visas and paperwork for international health insurance set up in order to get on those long kind of flights in a few weeks. It's sort of surreal that this is finally happening. I am still prepared for some delay to come, but hopeful that we are in the home stretch of just getting to the field. I've been called since I was 14. If there is another delay, I can wait, but today I am hopeful that my life's calling will actually become tangible. I have been working to get to the field (mind you, I lived in France for a year and that was a mission!) and each step has been a part of this calling. I've come to grips with the fact that each step is a journey. It all comes down to how He called me, "I want you to BE a missionary." He didn't say, "I want you to DO missions." This hurry up and wait is a grand part of being a missionary in which I learn another fruit of the spirit: Patience.

Lots of work to do in the next few weeks. Not sure if I will get to blog again before we get to the field, so the next time I write, I might be writing from African soil !!
Something we've been looking forward to for a LONG time. 

Looking forward (photo credits?? sorry)

PS - New donation address as of  Sept. 2012
Brollier
c/o Judy Trollinger
1384 Meadow Springs Dr.
Lilburn, GA 30047 USA 
(Judy's email address coming soon.) Our email will stay the same, but we will end up with limited web access.

Thanks for all your prayers and gifts! This is only possible through God's and your help.
Donations can be given Online as well: see the yellow donate button on the left.

Change & Coping

I feel like a different me than when I set out a year ago.

The New me. The good with the bad and getting through big things.

What have I accomplished?
I've lived in another culture for a year.
I've learned a language.
I've helped my kids navigate public school relationships in another language and culture.
I've worshiped our Father in another language and shared about Him too.
I've traveled entirely too much.
I've dealt with chronic back pain and fatigue.
I've grieved lost time with my dad, knowing he might die of cancer.
I've dealt with stress.
I've had my ups and my downs.
I've become much more introverted - weird. (Those of you who knew me before might not believe this possible, but I've realized the benefit and the joy that comes from holding my tongue! It's so energizing to not be the center of attention now.)
I've become more appreciative. Really.
I've changed - too much to note each detail, but it's there, and I can feel it and maybe you can see it too - or maybe you can't.

Everyone asks how my trip was - unless they understand it was not a trip but my life for a year. (It's ok, really. I like sharing. I get it.)

I came home from France and waded through my thoughts and emotions of transitioning from my home culture of a year to my changed home culture in the States.


Life in the great USA is still great, but it is different.
I can't explain to you why, but I'll try.:
Maybe it's the busy that people hold as more important than time with family and friends.
Maybe it's that people are willing to check out from society by putting in their ear buds.

Maybe it's the technology. Everyone checking their $200 phones (or in my case a borrowed flip-phone - I have to adapt to culture even a bit, don't I? or my borrowed iTouch.)

Side Note:
I had to laugh at the fact that when I was visiting my family we were all playing a game against each other on our devices while we were in the same room! We were playing games just like we used to only this time it was without pencil and paper and it was called  "Draw Something" instead of Pictionary. (I thought this was fine since we had all thoroughly connected verbally for days as we visited Dad in Hospice and consoled each other - so we got our "Face Time" in *wink*).

Life here in the US is just faster, and I am amazed at how much we eat here in such little time.
In France, we ate well, but it was over many hours - not a marathon Thanksgiving stuff your face kind of meal, but a little of this and a lot of conversation. (Don't get me wrong - I love Thanksgiving!)
Here we also would grab a meal on the run and eat it in the car - why?? It's so much messier that way and a lot less enjoyable.
I miss walking and biking everywhere in France. Do people do that here? I find things are way too far away to make that work well. How dependent we are on fuel.

Anyway, life is different for me since my experiences have increased.  
Life is different for me now that my dad is gone. (I'm so thankful we were able to be with him before he passed away).

I've dealt with just a little bit of what my mom went through as my father's caregiver. I was able to help out for a few days as his sole caregiver while she was working, and I did not envy my mom's job of his full-time caregiver. For those of you out there who deal with that on a daily basis. I understand you. You are not alone. I felt so alone and lost trying to do what was best for dad in my human strength. When we're tired and worn, we sometimes forget to look to the One who cares for us.

1Peter 5:7 : Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

I know I forgot to do that at times. If you are trying to cope with giving your all for your loved one, I encourage you to find someone to talk and cry with (Thanks Brent!). A friend, a caregivers' support group, a church cell group.  It helps. 

It's hard to see your loved one fail. To see their health decline and their mind go - to see time shift and slip from their reach while your life keeps blurring by. (I encourage you to look into respite care at a Hospice house if your loved one has a terminal disease and  care-giving gets to be too much.) It doesn't make you love them any less if you get help. 

I had to get creative with how I processed all that was going on. 

I needed to be alone a lot more.
I needed quiet. 
I needed to veg out in front of the TV so that I wouldn't dwell on it and hyperventilate. (I have had panic attacks over the past year - gee I wonder why!) My dad's life was slipping away - his skin could not keep his soul in his body any longer. 
I needed to cry. I still do.
I needed to draw again. 
Oddly enough I did not want to be with friends or talk on the phone about it. I was avoiding processing that part with anyone other than my family members (it was just to much to explain over and over.)
I needed to be with my kids sometimes and pour into them to fill the lack that I know the years ahead will hold. They are grieving too.

It's weird to think that I fit into a category now: 
Fatherless. 
I'm 32 and I no longer have a dad. My mom is a widow. 
When does this sort of thing happen? 
You never see it coming even when you have a year and a half to prepare after prognosis. 

Deut. 10:17-18 : 17For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. 18He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.  

It's nice to know we will be taken care of.

I'm getting to the place where I understand the beauty of a life after this one.  Life everlasting is the HOPE that I can cling to when life on this earth gets me down. I'm so thankful that it is available to me and to you.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  (From John 3:16-17)

This Easter, I received a little gift from our Father.

I had a vision while I was wide awake. In my mind's eye I could see my dad. 

In this vision, he looked like himself but had the disposition of a little child. He was standing next to Jesus and he asked, "Hey, do those holes in your hands and feet still hurt?" Jesus told him, "Not anymore. They are scars of joy now." Then he hugged my dad and my dad grinned the most contented grin I have never seen him have in his entire life (and my dad laughed a lot!). What a treasure that I will always cherish: to know that there is joy and release from pain and sorrow waiting for those of us who trust in Him when we walk from life into eternity. 

This is how I cope.

Ode to Dad

For my dad's memorial service, they asked if we would say something. I blubbered through this and managed to say goodbye to my father in the only way I knew how: with a sad but thankful heart. 

 

Reflections on my Dad   By: Laura (Fritsche) Brollier

My dad was there when I came into this world. 

I’ve known him all my life.

We’ve been great friends and stayed friends even through my stubborn teenage years. 

How can I say goodbye to someone so close?

He taught me how to walk, how to fall and pick myself back up again.

I could talk to my dad about anything. I’ll miss our weekly phone calls.

He taught me to dance, to write, to create. 

My dad and I used to paint together, write stories together, and laugh together.

My fondest memories with my dad are from times when we’d be cruising down the highway singing to the top of our lungs to some oldies song & then he’d tell jokes until both of our smiles were so wide from laughing that our cheeks would hurt. 

He worked so hard for our family and always taught us to respect our mother. He set a great example for us in marriage. 

My dad taught me how to cook when my mom worked night shift at the hospital. I didn’t appreciate learning that then, but I do now. Thanks, dad. 

I loved when my dad would pick me up from college and we’d get to drive “the scenic route” because I took a wrong turn. We’d picnic at state parks and just enjoy the beauty of nature. 

My dad taught me basic car care. Every time I check the oil, I think of him. 

My dad taught me how to use power tools. He gave me the courage to learn how to do anything & not to be scared to try typical “guy jobs” just because I am a girl. I loved working out in the garage with my dad building things with wood, using a soldering iron, painting with wax. 

My dad took me on my first date - just me and him. He taught me how a guy was supposed to treat me and told me not to settle for less. Thanks, dad. I found a good guy because of you. 

My dad taught me to reach for the sky in whatever I do. He believed in me. He thought I was smart enough and creative enough to do anything. 

Everywhere I look in my family, I can see dad:

I see him in my mom. He taught her gumption and know-how & taught her to laugh at the little things.

I see him in my brother, Eric. His humor. His passion to protect those he loves. His love for the Dallas, Cowboys.

I see him in my sister, Katie. His desire for knowledge – the eternal student. His ability to stand up for what is right.

I see him in my sister, Amy. His optimism & flair for fun. His hands-on way of helping others. If you ever needed someone or something- my dad was there. This lives on in Amy.

I see him in my kids. My son has his love for sports and that crazy Fritsche-boy energy that my dad had when he was younger. My daughter has his love for art and that red hair that we both got from his red beard (when he would grow it out). 

I see dad in me. 

I’ve always said that I am an amazing blend of my mom and dad. I know what comes from her and what I get from him. My dad always told me that of all his kids, I am the most like his mother. We both got a dose of grandma's strength and creativity, and tenderness & zest for life. It’s so amazing to me that dad and grandma, though they are both gone from this earth, get to live on in us. 

I know my dad is in heaven with Jesus. My dad loves God and wants everyone to know about God’s love for us. Dad led his dad to the Lord before grandpa passed in ’93. In my dad’s last few weeks he lead two people to the Lord. It was his passion to serve God as best he knew how. Now he’s seeing God face to face, loving Him and eternally living with Him. 

Say hi to grandpa and grandma for us, Dad. I will always remember you and you will be sorely missed until we join you and Jesus up there. I’ll try to do like you taught me and I’ll tell your stories to my kids. You were an amazing dad and friend. Thanks for everything, Dad. Know that I love you! 

Here's the link to his obituary: 

http://www.fortmyersmemorial.com/obituary/user/show/template?id=59752

Picture Post - Back in the States 2012

Claire's 4th birthday party with family

Last pic of just me and my Dad

The amazing LOVE of my life who watched the kids so much while we were at Hospice with Dad.

My precious kiddos whom I appreciate a lot more now.

Ethan striking a pose in Florida.

Claire climbs trees in February in 89F degree weather!

Celebrating sister Katie's b-day 2012. Wearing a button with a pic of us as kids.

Florida time = Family Time

We had a great time catching up with family in Florida during February and March. We hadn't seen family in over a year & it was fun  to be with them and it was hard to say goodbye this time. We shared with church friends, but we really were in Florida to be with family.

So time with family...We got to celebrate Claire's b-day and my sister Katie's too. We did not get to celebrate my dad's though - he would have turned 63, but he got to celebrate his birthday in heaven. My dad finished his battle with cancer on March 3rd, 2012. I started this blog with an entry about my dad and how he still wanted us to go to France for the year even though he knew he was dying. We got to see him and be together for his last few days. He was waiting for me to come home before letting go of this life. It was a bitter sweet time that we all knew was around the corner.

Have you ever waited around for something you dread?
I was dreading for a year that I would get that call or an email saying I needed to come home. Dreading made me sick with worry and anxious about traveling. It was like a horrible doorway that I never wanted to walk through looming out in front of me, nearing ever closer.

Thankfully, Dad lasted and we made it back to the States and got to have time together. The Lord really worked it out well and blessed us. He even set it up that we would have a beautiful home with a fenced in backyard during this time. His timing is perfect. Imagine if I had to return to the States jet-lagged with little ones only to attend a funeral and turn around to head back overseas for language school again! So thankful that we had 2 months in Florida at the end of our French schooling. Time with family. Time with Dad. Time to help Mom clear out some things and Time to cope.

"For every season there is a time and a purpose under heaven." Popular song lyrics from the 60's taken straight from Ecclesiastes 3:

Ecclesiastes 3 (compliments of http://www.biblegateway.com)

 ¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 ²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 ³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 ⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 ⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 ⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 ⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 ⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Jan. 2012 Departure & Re-entry.

As promised... here is the story of our departure from France and our re-entry into live in the States as we used to know it a year ago. Enjoy!

OK, so after a year in France, we packed up our apartment. We knew this day might come.

I had a mondo sized checklist for keeping things straight.

We got rid of almost everything (except 11 bags that we brought with us - 11 sounds like a lot except when it's a years worth of stuff or all you own). It was a whirlwind sort of experience trying to empty an apartment that had been passed on from student family to student family (at least 4 that we've been told of). Imagine trying to close out internet accounts in another language when you are not the name on the account - the original person had just passed it on from one resident to the next to make payment easier. Hmmph! It was easier to pay but harder to close the account. It's still open, btw. We're far across the pond & the internet service provider told us to just close our bank account instead. OK?? It worked. It's done. Check. (Did you know you have to save French check stubs for 10 years for tax purposes?)

Another thing on the to-do list... AT. THE. SAME. TIME....We also were ordering supplies online in France to set up house in Africa and get them shipped to the container (in the Mid-West of the USA) so they could be shipped to West Africa. *sigh*
I'd like to get a button to push that speaks to me in that computer generated voice: "That WASN'T easy!" You know, similar to the one that STAPLES puts out that calmly tells you "That was easy." I don't need my button to yell or even strain it's voice. It just needs to calmly state: "That wasn't easy." and then I can move on. So yes, we packed for Africa across the continents. It's done-ish. *wink* Check. And just so you know, if you plan to make a lot of purchases online from another country on Black Friday, the credit card sompanies will put a hold on your account!

Oh, and another thing we did all at the same time as these other busy checklist items were being tended to, was to start scheduling speaking engagements and lodging and vehicle borrowing for our future (now current) time in the States.

For a while my conversations with Brent would go something like this:

Have a place to stay for the first few weeks in TX?
Check.
Do you know where it is?
No.
OK. Fine.
Have a place for the next month in FL?
Yes.
Know where that one is?
Yes.
Good.
How about the month of March?
No. Not set up yet. No idea what we're going to do in NY. 
Hmm. OK.

So none-the-less, our check list for departure from France was ticked off with these three main events getting checked off simultaneously:

1. Empty Apartment.
2. Pack for Africa.
3. Schedule for Stateside.

It really helped us learn to plan and organize things down to the tiniest detail. Not my forté, but I learned how to do it better than I ever had before.
Thank the Lord!

So then we had a great trip planned to get us back to the States: We'd leave our apt and stay with French friends for 2-3 days and then take a bus to Lyon, stay the night in a hotel, shuttle in the morning to the airport and just have one layover in London before arriving in Texas. Doesn't sound as stressful as our trip that brought us to France a year ago, does it?

Well, all went well except...
I started with some stomach bug while staying at our French friends' house. Not a gross kind, just a painful kind that won't let you sleep well. Not too bad. Then Ethan got it. He only puked once. Then we got to the hotel with no problem. I couldn't sleep. Since moving to France was rough on me, I've struggled with travel anxiety a bit. Only slept 2 hours before we got up at 4am to get to the airport. Flew to London fine. Started feeling weak in the airport. Got that really twirly feeling. Thought I'd pass out. Made sure to get my low-blood sugar back to normal by eating something. Still had to have Brent take me to the plane in a wheelchair. It was embarrassing. I'm an otherwise healthy woman who gets bouts of low-blood sugar, but this time I was worn down from a stomach bug and exhaustion. The flight was great. I was comfortably settled in and Brent had taken care of the kids, and bags and everything! Then he sat with the kids while I had my own seat by the bulk-head (leg room! for the tall sickie).

Can I just say here, Don't I have a great guy?!? Wow. Way to step it up, honey. Thank- you.

Claire threw up in the airplane bathroom. Then she slept the rest of the flight. Ethan & Brent watched movies and tried to sleep. (Brent got the stomach bug a few days after we got back to TX. Thought I'd have to preach for him that Sunday, but he was ok.)

Back to the plane. I normally get motion sick, but because of my stomach thing I was taking meds for my tummy and couldn't take dramamine. So the ride got bumpy at the end and I felt nauseous - didn't toss my cookies though - Score! Then because of the wind, our double-decker big plane slammed down. EEK! Everyone thought we had crashed. We were fine. Well. most of us. We were the last ones off the plane since I felt like I was going to pass out and vomit all at once. EMT people came to take care of me while the kids checked out the cockpit (since it's a bit scarey for the kids to see mommy in an oxygen mask). I was able to walk off the plane with help and then I got wheeled around the massive 100+ person line for customs (my family got to join me!). Thank you, Lord! Only to get stuck in the line for agriculture since we had to declare a French orange, of all things. Thankfully this line was only 5 people long since they scanned all our bags again. Then we had lovely PBT people waiting for us to pick us up. He didn't even ask why I was in a wheelchair. We told him, but it was nice not to be asked. Then we ate some dinner at the house here and went to bed by 7pm (2am France time- I think.) It really takes 24 hours for each time zone you've crossed to get adjusted and not have jet lag any more. I really think it's like working night shift, you can change your schedule but in the end you feel like years have been sucked off your life. Jet-lag stinks! But we survived that too. Our heavenly Father was really with us through it all.

Then the good part began. Getting to see friends we haven't seen in a year. Having to use a calendar to book times with people because so many wanted to see us, meet with us. Not to mention physicals and dental appointments too. Busy time! Note to self: Next time plan more time in the Texas area. Three weeks is not enough!

Oh, now for my favorite part of re-entry:
We got to go to church in ENGLISH for the first time in a year- yay!  We had the opportunity to share with churches about our time in France.

Here are some highlights we shared:

- Shared the "good news" with a friend from India. Told about our Father's power of healing and being led by dreams. My friend wants to get a copy of "The Good Book."
- Gave a Chinese copy of "The Good Book" to a follower so he could read in his own language. (He only had a few pages before).
- Shared with an Austrian atheist lady why "The Good Book" is alive & important to me.
- Talked to the Father about a French sister being plagued by nightmares for 2 years. She was delivered!
- Taught a French Sunday class of 7-11 year olds  about work on the field & fed them an African dish.

We were so blessed this past year & it was a blessing to share that with so many people in Texas. It's a little odd to be back to American ways and speaking in English. It feels good. It feels sad. We miss our friends and life in France. It wasn't a vacation. It was work and everyday life. It was good. We're so thankful for those who made it possible. Now just to raise funds for a vehicle so we can work in West Africa. In the mean time I'll be telling stories about what He's done & catching up on all the bowls of Cheerios with good milk & all the Mexican food we've missed.

Next stop: Florida for a month. Going to see family! Yay! Hang out with my dad who's fighting cancer (see first blog entries) and share at churches.  Not a bad re-entry. Weird and parts of it I would not like to repeat. All in all not bad.

Catching up - an explanation

I have not blogged since we left France.

It's time to begin the life journal once again. Plan to update you chronologically. :) Thanks for lending and ear - or in this case your eyes. *wink*

We just spent a year in France for language learning so that we can move to West Africa where French is the official language. This blog continues our family's journey as we follow the call to great adventures in trusting our Heavenly Father (because seriously, who would go to live in Africa with no running water or electricity without a higher calling drawing them there! *tongue in cheek*).

We're going to love it, even if I have to be convinced over and over again.

I've only been headed this direction since I was fourteen, and I'd say I have experienced every emotion regarding this route that one could have when entrusting my life and the lives of my family to the One who made us all.

 Lord, I love following you and I'll go where you want me to go, but please help me love it!

Mark 9: Help my unbelief!

So happy reading! You'll be getting a bunch of updates all at once... read on. Hope you enjoy!

Another French list

 Different things Laura's seen in France:

• mail man delivers mail by bicycle
• people say au revoir to the bus driver when they get off the bus.
• tiny refrigerators  (most without freezers)
• trees whose bark looks splotched (like an impressionist would paint)
• eggs & milk that don't need to be refrigerated until opened
• more kinds of pork than we know what to do with - seriously!
• a small pack of sliced sandwich meat: chicken (4 per pkg is the only way to buy it)
• no mac N cheese in a box of any kind
• the man purse!
• men wearing scarves - not so odd when it's cold - odd when it's not

Picture Post 2

Lots of great things lately...

• Nice fall hike with the family of one of Claire's copines (female classmates)

• Melva (PBT teammate already serving in West Africa came to visit)

• New teammates arrived in France to learn the language (means we get to build our team dynamic for Africa)

• Brent graduated from IFALPES (Institute Français of the ALPs) Laura to finish next week.

A Picture is worth a 1,000 words...

Picture of our town in the valley - taken from the summit of our hike

"Aunt" Melva painting Claire's toenails - first time ever

"Aunt" Brittany - new teammate

All the girls on our team (L-R): Laura, Shelly, Claire, Brittany

Snuggling up on the couch on a wintery night

Brent & friends graduate from IFALPES

So proud of you, baby! Brent gets his IFALPES "French" diploma Dec. 2011

The Call keeps calling...

I've been called to be a missionary since I was 14 years old. I've got my BA in Missions and Bible. I currently live in another culture (I live in France! Mind you I don't live in an underdeveloped country, well at least not yet). I am headed to West Africa with my family in 2012. You would think that by now I would have an undeniable handle on this calling of mine.

I am passionate about the task of missions, don't get me wrong. I believe that all believers should be involved in the Great Commission (Matt 28:19-20). Involved by giving, praying, or going. A firm: yes.
This year, as before in other transitional periods of my life, I have struggled with the idea of going.
Can I do it? Can I not just survive, but thrive? Am I good enough to take care of my family overseas where we will lack certain things like running water and electricity?

I question often.

Some days it doesn't bother me at all and I am actually happy about the idea of going and getting to be the person who connects with a Bible-less people and the one who helps transform their lives by bringing the power of God's Word into their language. Thrilling!

Other days I struggle. I have a bad attitude. I look at the times with my family in the States... Times that our kids will miss out on. It's hard and some days I need an attitude correction. Like today.

Well, a few days ago, Brent and I sat down to discuss our ministry goals - what we really want to see as an effect of our presence in West Africa. It was hard to do. I didn't like it one bit. I'm not the best planner because I really have no concept of time, and this year I have seen that I can be a bit of a pessimist if left to myself. So looking forward to the future and the end "product," if you will, was... scary. I can only really envision 2 years at a time, in a very general way. I can see us moving to Africa and some things we may do and then having to move back to the States for a few months of Home Assignment (furlough) to raise more partners and prayer support. I can also see the times of isolation and times of being way out of my comfort zone when on the field and traveling. I keep thinking, "I've been camping once in my entire life and I had running water and showers then! And I plan on moving out into the middle of no where?!? Is this crazy?" I turn inwards and run into the depths of my soul... looking for a way to escape whatever may come.

I tend to forget that God is already there - in West Africa - in my future - waiting for me. I still run. His call lovingly pursues. After breaking down crying before Brent, expressing my fears and feelings of inadequacy (I always feel bad when I do that, by the way.), the Lord worked out some tough knots in my soul in the next few days. Today, I "just happened" to come across a video of our friend, Greg Pruett, the PBT President, and a sermon he gave at Compass Christian Church. It was entitled, "Imagine A World Where Everyone Has a Bible." I watched the whole thing and was once again enthralled with the passion of the call; enthralled with the amazing transformation in lives that is possible with access to the Word in a language that local people can understand.

OK, I must admit I have been slacking in my devotions lately. Yes, it even happens to missionaries. I think it happens to me especially during those times (usually when I get really busy with moving to another continent or something!) when I am weakest and my defenses are down and the enemy knows it. We have a sneaky enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The thief will swoop in when your defenses are down, with the intention of accomplishing these three things:  1.) Stealing your joy in the Lord [your strength]; 2.) Killing off your confidence in God and the gifts that He's enabled you with to fulfill God's call on your life; and 3.) Destroying God's plan for your life. I find that if I let myself wallow in self-pity, that's just what happens. I need to remember to cast my cares. Cast here means to throw (like casting a fishing net into the water) 1 Peter 5:7-9⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ⁸ Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I need to keep my focus. I need to be willing to suffer it all because of my LOVE for God and my desire to see others come to love Him too. After watching Greg's sermon video, I felt compelled to turn my attitudes right again. To turn to God and face my calling which thankfully keeps pursuing me. So I knelt down in my pajamas on the cold tile of my dirty kitchen floor (next to my computer) and imagined myself at the feet of Christ. Weeping in reality, while imagining hugging and kissing his perfect, nail pierced feet. Asking His forgiveness for my "unhappy heart."

I regularly tell my kids, " Go back and do it again with a happy heart." Hebrews 4:12(NIV) ¹² For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. This time I was the one who needed a correction and thankful that hearing God's Word brought it to me. (Makes me think about those that have no way to hear His Word.)

It's one thing to follow His call, and another to do it with a happy heart. I regularly need this sort of heart check to make sure I am not doing this task begrudgingly. Hebrews 11:4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead. I want my offering of my life to be a pleasant gift to my Lord - I want it to be the best of my life. I'd like for my life's work to still speak even when I am dead. I'd like to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I want to be able to forsake all lovingly for Him - not bitterly. It's a tender thing to be corrected by the Lord and even more amazing is the flood of forgiveness that washes over a downtrodden soul bringing life and right relationship with Him again. I am so thankful that God continues to pursue & lead even me, Miss Bible Degree Girl,  the one who thinks she has to and can do it on her own, sometimes (and often finds out that she can't!). I'm very thankful He still uses imperfect people like me to fulfill His purpose. Until next time, I'll be working on "Becoming Holy & Happy-Hearted at Home (wherever that may be!) for the People I Heart."

PS- If you're interested in watching Greg's sermon video, here's the link. 

http://vimeo.com/31394684 

Cherish the Magic Moments - Cleaning House Simplified

 Ok, I've been looking online for ways to de-clutter and to maximize my time. I'm not good at time management so I decided I had better start working on it. *sheepish grin* It's hard to keep a home running smoothly with two young kids when time management is not my forte.

#1. I found some great tips at Hannah Keeley's website http://hannahkeeley.com/
(Magic Moments in her mom's free 3 Day Boot Camp).

#2. I found more tips at Balancing Beauty and Bedlam's website: http://beautyandbedlam.com/speed-cleaning-join-me/ . (Setting a timer for 10 or 15 mins of productivity = so effective!). 

#3. A pin I found on Pinterest (ok, I know what you're thinking. I already check FB and Blog & now I got sucked into another online time consumer! but pics online are less physical clutter in my home and I find joy in it. I just be sure to limit my time usually. I'm off from school this week so why not!) The pin had a pic of a list: 40 bags in 40 days. You can find it on my Pinterest board: http://pinterest.com/
Or from Little Lucy Lu's website: http://www.littlelucylu.com/2011/03/40-bags-continued.html

#4. Also some great tips from the Fly Lady's site: http://flylady.net/pages/FLYingLessons_CrisisCleaning.asp
(How to clean quickly. I like a shiny sink. It really helps.)


So I borrowed a little from each of these sites and have been rockin' it in my own home (or at least it feels that way for me. *smile*).

Some of the links above are self-explanatory, but here's a description for the ones that might not be so clear.

So the Magic Moments from Hannah Keeley: I've been doing this tip. You basically try and do a little here and there and mentally count it as a Magic Moment. Her concept is to get rid of negative thoughts (about how I can never get this house clean and be a good mom). Replacing negative ones with positive ones is key. I liken this to taking every thought captive to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).  To put it into practice, for example, I would now think: I have just had a Mom's Magic Moment = I picked up those dirty socks I kicked off in the middle of the night and put them in the hamper on my way to do something else productive for my family. Yay for me! I add my own little theme song when I realize I am doing this and it helps me feel giddy (which is one of my cherished sentiments, btw). Theme song: This Magic Moment by the Drifters. *wink*

The pin of 40 bags in 40 days from Pinterest and Little Lucy Lu: is basically a list of spots where clutter collects in one's house and an idea to de-clutter in forty days. You pic a spot on the list and grab a bag and start filling. I adapted this a bit in my own home. (We have to get rid of everything including furniture by Jan. 2012 since our apt. is listed as unfurnished). I sat and made a list in like 15 minutes flat. I listed all the places that clutter collects and where I could find things to toss or recycle or donate. Then I picked a spot and started. Since we still need some things before we move out of France back to the States, my list will be gone over twice at least. I call this the double purge! I put a dash next to each of the items I've already de-cluttered. Next time through I will place a check on top of the dash to say that area is completed (or emptied in our case). This list idea works well for my family. My husband and I can pick some different areas to tackle and we feel less over-whelmed. My hubby loves organization and this is a simple way I can help fit that bill. Glad I didn't have to come up with it on my own. Not my area of creativity, but could begin to be. Hmmm. Art in organization and de-cluttering? I like it!

Our lovely French apt bldg that we have to leave in Jan. Time to De-clutter!

Anyway, I just thought why not share the wealth, right?
I love finding helpful hints for household management! Hope you enjoy & join our family in cleaning out the negative clutter in our minds and the clutter in our homes. Making Home Happy for all the people I Heart.

Hair Help for Hopeless Homemanagers (that's us: moms/wives)

I think God blessed me with an incredible color for hair (red!)... maybe He did that because He knew I wouldn't know how to do anything with my hair. I have never been able to style it. My mom succeeded in making my hair look great for my wedding though. Otherwise, if I wanted it to look like I did anything more than just brush it, I would have to go get it styled or have some chic haircut that would be low-maintenance (AKA little or no products or styling required.) My hair is thin but there's a ton of it, so that makes it thick and hard to put up because it's heavy and slips out of most things. It also doesn't hold a curl unless you use an entire can of hairspray - it's just too heavy.

All this said to tell you, there's hope for my hair - and maybe yours too if you are needing a tip. 
I hate looking frumpy, but when you can only throw your hair up in a ponytail everyday that's what you get, frumpy. I never could figure out how to do fancy ponytails or braiding much either.  Just to clarify, I'm not too worried about appearances but I do like to look a bit put-together for my hubby and my kids. I'd rather not look like I did nothing to myself to get ready for the day. If momma is ready to take on the world, so is everyone else! So time to try something new with my hair to wave bye-bye to frumpy.

Thank goodness for You-tube in times like these! Mind you, You-tube can have some weird stuff on it, but it can also be a useful tool for learning "how to" stuff (and it can even be used for the Lord's purposes - I love how even technology can be redeemed). Anyway, I found this blog link that has a 3 min. video tip for making your hair look cute in a "sock bun". I tried it. I'm wearing it now - took me 5 minutes and it worked on my first try. I didn't even have all the right tools. That's simplicity. Love it and now instead of looking Hopeless, I can look "Happily put-together at Home for all the people I Heart".

Let me know if you have any other video tips like these. I'd love to know.

Here's the link: http://www.defrumpme.com/2011/09/perfect-bun-in-3-minutes-or-less.html

Friend's perspective on Africa

My friend knows that life in Africa can be hard and that you have to look on the bright side. She sent me a list of her top reasons why she loves Africa. I think I'll agree with her. Good to keep some perspective and enjoy some of Africa even if there might be some lack of comfort and possible sacrifices along the way. If I look to those things too much I'd get all glum. May as well look at some inspiring reasons why I could see myself enjoying Africa instead.

picture from Wikipedia - love the colors and smiles!

By the way, today is an "I love Africa" day for me. I've been trying to get to the missions field since I was 14 years old. I am so looking forward to going and being a part of something bigger that God has for my life. The day is coming soon. Enjoy reading my friend Melva's "Tops."

Things I love about life in Africa…

The clothes are bright...and don’t have to come even remotely close to matching.

You can be a millionaire with just a couple hundred dollars.

My new appreciation for the beauty of a rainstorm

The AMAZING star-gazing—more stars than I’ve ever seen.

The complete freedom from ridiculous “safety” laws.

You can park anywhere.

The inspiring people you get to work alongside of while you’re here.

The contagious, courageous faith of the persecuted locals.

The absence of city lights and traffic noise.

The slower pace of life.

The fact that you can afford to help your friend by hiring them to do your laundry.

The heightened joy in the simple pleasures—like banana pancakes.

The connections with people back home—and the means of introducing them to the need for missions.

The way little kids get so excited when you wave at them—the plus side to being a celebrity.

Eating healthier because there aren’t prepared foods available.

There’s fresh baked bread available just around the corner.

The thunderstorms are incredible.

An appreciation for simplicity—especially in church with the bare building (if any) and plain wooden benches.

You’re forced to adopt a slower pace of life—which has some huge advantages.

You’re evenings are family time—cause there aren’t a million different activities.

Home is the center of the social system.

The mangoes are delicious.

The better perspective on our home culture—the good and bad.

The skyline isn’t cluttered.

You’re constantly driven to pray.

The incredibly generous hospitality.

People always take time to pull up a chair and invite you to sit awhile.

You can eat with your hands…and have to wash fewer dishes. 

Coping mechanisms: Make Friday night movie night and watch a movie that makes you laugh. Hire someone to do your shopping for you. When you do go shopping, plan on it being a half-day social event so it doesn’t stress you out that it’s taking so long. Celebrate small victories. Spend time looking at the stars. Sing praise songs. (Thanks, Melva! Love ya, girl!)

Enjoy what you have and praise the One who gave it to you. 

Choosing a Constant Change of Focus

I haven't felt like writing much lately. I've been busy and well, kinda distracted -AKA: worrying about the future. The Future for me is a list of many unknowns and the things that I do know just happen to be trials that I know I will face. I'm heading to Africa with my family for a long time. That means goodbyes, lack of comfort items like A/C and hot showers, etc. Anyway, thinking too much about these things makes me really stressed and sad sometimes. I've been focusing on my future without recognizing that God is going to be in it to help me through those daily trials.

I found a great Oswald Chambers devotional entry that helps put things into perspective:
(Please read this part because I comment on it afterwards.)

AUTHORITY AND INDEPENDENCE

If ye love Me, ye will keep My commandments. John 14:15 (R.V.)

Our Lord never insists upon obedience; He tells us very emphatically what we ought to do, but He never takes means to make us do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit. That is why whenever Our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an IF - you do not need to unless you like. "If any man will be My disciple, let him deny himself," let him give up his right to himself to Me. Our Lord is not talking of eternal positions, but of being of value to Himself in this order of things, that is why He sounds so stern (cf. Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to Me, and does not [by comparison of his love for Me] hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple".). Never interpret these words apart from the One Who uttered them.

The Lord does not give me rules, He makes His standard very clear, and if my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without any hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love some one else in competition with Him, viz., myself. Jesus Christ will not help me to obey Him, I must obey Him; and when I do obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny. My personal life may be crowded with small petty incidents, altogether unnoticeable and mean; but if I obey Jesus Christ in the haphazard circumstances, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God, and when I stand face to face with God I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When once God's Redemption comes to the point of obedience in a human soul, it always creates. If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because behind the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God.
by Oswald Chambers

Laura: Ok, so did you see there that verse about "hate" your family and your own life?? Extreme, huh?

This has been the torment of my soul since I've seriously been preparing for serving in Africa. I miss my family.  I go through ups and downs when I struggle to be happy with the idea of serving in Africa - so far from my family and things that make my life so much easier. I've been asking myself on and off for a few weeks, "Is it really going to be worth it? Can I make these sacrifices?" No matter how many tears drop from these lids, each time I ask this question of myself I find the same answer even if it takes a few days here and there to find it - it's the same answer. It will all be worth it. (see underlined above in Chambers excerpt.)

I just wish the struggle to see this could be a one-time-thing where I finally get it and can obey without the war against my flesh, but if that were the case, I'd be perfect AKA: dead and standing perfect-ed in heaven. So, OK I'll answer the same question regularly with tears (or without - sometimes it's an easy answer!) as long as it helps me turn my focus once again to being right with Him and going where He wants me to go because I love Him.