Taffy, anyone?

France is a wonderful place.

Yummy food! I once told Brent I'd move here just for the food. And voila! Here we are.

Oh, and it is gorgeous! Mountains and natural beauty everywhere.
Prettily dressed people too - a la mode. O la la!

Not to mention a beautiful language - it really is romantic and so nice on the ears!

So, yeah, France is GREAT!



I expect Africa to be hard.  
Sometimes... I really don't want to go - there I said it.

No running water, no electricity unless we make our own solar electric. No church among "our" people group. Hard life yet to come, perhaps? Can count on it.

This is what a local "nice" kitchen looks like in our future African location. That's right, no sink.

When I look at the problems

Instead of His face,

That's when I think Africa will be hard.

So, yeah I expect Africa to be hard at times. It's a bit of a roller coaster for me. Some days I am so excited about finally getting to the mission field. Finally getting to start in ministry that I have been called to since I was 14 years old. Some days, though, I freak out about the unknown... and then there are days when I am totally secure again, able to rest in the grace that God will give for those unknowns. Well, with something as big as Africa in the future, I never quite imagined that a year in France would be hard at all. I mean, come on, it's a first world country right, how hard can that be?!

I never expected for this place to be hard.

France, This grand European land - hard. Ahh, but it is hard at times. Or maybe it's that God is allowing me to be stretched so it's not as hard on me when we get to Africa. Or maybe Africa will be harder but by then I will have learned how to Trust Him.

He purposes what the world means for evil and turns it to good. Believe it. (Talking to myself here, but if it helps you- then great!)

Stretching...  Like taffy.

Oh, I remember this one brand of taffy when I was a kid: Laffy Taffy.
Delightful because it is stretchy and still sweet. I used to play with it a bit (I was a kid after all). You can make just about anything out of something that flexible.

Stretching times give me a choice:

Get hurt, retreat, and become bitter, hard.
Brittle.
Fragile.


OR...

Learn a lesson, keep going, and
Grow by staying soft (flexible)
And sweet... knowing He's there for me through hard times and will gently help me up, hold me in the palm of His hands - LOVE me through it.


I wanna be Taffy.
Help me, Lord. It's not easy.

Things I did not expect about living in France that God might just be using to help me work through Trust issues:

Feeling lost while using public transit - we're talking panic attacks - feeling helpless.

Making hard choices about important things - time away from family while the kids are young.

Time away from dad who is diagnosed with terminal cancer and has heart problems.

Time away from my home church - No easy access to times of refreshment in the Lord (I have to seek Him myself -brilliant! thought I had a handle on that one though). No church here in my heart language. (Hmm. Motivation for working in Africa, but a hard lesson).

Rough times when your child is sick and you don't know the language well. Trying to figure out scarey things on our own (don't worry we're fine).

So, yes, I feel the pain of the stretch. I am tempted to be bitter sometimes and some days when I break down in tears I think about giving up. If I do that who wins?
Then when I realize I can not do it on my own, the strength comes!
All these trials and all those to come will be worth it one day - maybe I'll only see it in eternity, but it will not be in vain.
This is Why I keep on keepin' on. 

There are really awesome things that I didn't expect about my time here too:

Encouragement from unexpected places - Look out for Veggie Tales - they've spoken to me in my time of need more often than I can count (and I've seen these a hundred times before with my kiddos!)

Nice French people who make you feel welcome, befriend you, and work with your inability to speak the language.

Help from strangers while traveling (multiple strangers helping foreigners - only God can orchestrate that!)

Inspiration and encouragement from my hubby when I would have expected him to be disappointed in my lack of faith.

Realizing I'm not alone. Realizing there are believers everywhere - and they glow in dark places. So amazing how bright it seems when we gather together in Christ.


Thanks God, for stretching me a bit. I know you have a plan for even the things the enemy means to use against me. Thanks for Your goodness. Let me remain sweet & stretchy like Taffy. May I never become hard or sour.
Love,
Laura

BIG Need for Ministry - Vehicle for Africa

Here's something to add to your prayer lists:

The Brollier fam is in need of a serious vehicle for when we arrive in Africa.

Actual photo from in "our" country

We'll need it travel between villages to get supplies and to travel up country to the capital (a 2-3 day drive because of the roads and the distance) for branch meetings three times a year. Part of our traveling in country is made hard by heavy rains and pot holes the size of hippos and trucks! (No kidding! You'll get to see pics).

We have asked our branch what they recommend for such travel, and they gave us a serious answer.

We will need a 4-Wheel Drive Vehicle which we're estimating will cost close to $50,000. 

This is a big need, but God can meet our needs in whatever way He sees fit. 

I know you're thinking, "Why does it cost so much?"
We need a reliable vehicle - one that won't break down much. We're not mechanics & we don't want to get stuck out in the bush in between our village town and the capital. That means we need to buy a new vehicle - not a used one. Something kinda like this:

Our branch leadership also requires us to have some very specific features for this vehicle:

- a snorkel (pipe pictured above - helps the engine can breathe when we drive through high water during rainy season)

- a winch (a crank with line to help pull the vehicle out of mud when we get stuck - we're told we will)

- space for enough gas (spare tank) to make the full trip to the capital because there are fuel shortages in country.

- a 12 seater to fit our family (4) and possibly other teammates (2+). The remaining fold down seats will be space for cargo crates that we'll bring from the shipping port up in the capital. (These crates contain our set-up supplies for getting our African style house live-able and workable: pipes, wiring, solar panels, battery cells etc.)

Our family & teammates in the 1st two rows - cargo for the rest

In addition to these features, we will need to include in our fund raising, customs fees/ taxes for importing such a vehicle from Japan.

Since the vehicle will be coming from Japan, we need to get a jump on raising support to have this vehicle pass customs and be in country waiting for us when we arrive late Spring 2012. The branch expects there to be some delay with imports from Japan because of the recent devastation from the tsunami. They regularly estimate at least 4-5 months to get the vehicle in country so that means we need to place the order well in advance of our arrival.

Although Brent & I grew up in Assemblies of God churches (AoG), we can not benefit from the Speed-the-Light Vehicle program because we are not AoG ordained missionaries. We are commissioned to serve with Pioneer Bible Translators (PBT) and we're required to raise funds for a field vehicle before departure for the field.

On the road  (no it's not a river) to our village town

Will you pray with us for God to move this mountain? 

Will you pray for provision... like only He can provide...

For something that's seemingly out of our reach?  

He is able & He is amazing!

Please PRAY that God would provide for this need.

If you'd like to donate
towards our PBT Africa Vehicle Fund...

Checks can be made out to PBT 

And mailed to our Stateside forwarding agents:   
 M & C Shell

 1502 NE 11th Terrace

 Cape Coral, FL 33990 USA

To Donate Online Right Now,
Scroll Up & Click on the yellow Donate Now button on the Left and...
  Select "Projects" and
 Choose "Brollier Vehicle"

We know that not everyone can give, but
  Everyone can pray. 

We know that your prayers make a huge difference because PRAYER is POWERFUL!

Thank You for Praying with Us!!!!!

Actual pics from trucks stuck in the roads in country

HEAVE!!!

The unpaved road on a good dry day

More roads in country

Holes the size of Hippos (spans the entire bottom of this pic)

Please consider being an advocate for us - share this need with your friends and your church. Thanks again for praying!

The In-Between-Places & Clay Pots

Missionaries are human too.

Ok, time for some transparency again. God has been teaching me a lot and I can tell you it has not been fun, in a "oh let's do that again!" sort of way. It has been necessary though.

Here's the transparency part: People always say to me, "Oh wow! You're a missionary! I could never do that! Thanks for doing what so many of us could never do." Well, I think to myself, "Thanks, but I can't do it either!" 

I once took a pottery class. LOVED it because I got to shape new things out of these lumps of nothingness. I got to be all up in there as I formed the clay. I had to smack the clay on the palette and then add water as I kneaded it. Then I had to roll it and punch it. Then when just the right amount of water was in it and it would give to my slightest movement, it was ready for the wheel. Then when it was pliable, I could lovingly raise it into something more. It made me sweat and made my muscles sore as I fought with hard clay, but in the end a piece of me was alive in each pot or cup or bowl that I made. It was such a joy!

Well, now it feels like it's my turn to be that stubborn hard, dry lump of clay- again. Clay that needs to be stretched and smacked and molded and have water added to smooth out my rough bits. His water added to make my heart pliable. I feel like I've been here before. I was once this hard lump of clay that in no way wanted to give my life over to missions. I was a homebody, and frankly - I like my comfort level to be just so. Come on, you know what I mean. So God worked out these rough bits in me when I was about 14, and I was willingly subdued after some persuasion. Every so often He works out some more. My guess is that I am one of those pots that hasn't been fired in the kiln yet. He has multiple purposes for my life if I will remain pliable.

Being pliable - well it hurts. It's pretty nice to just be left alone and not be fashioned into something you're not (yet). It's dizzying to spin on the potter's wheel after you feel you've had the wind knocked out of you. Then again, there comes a point where you close your eyes and let go. You allow His rhythm to sway you. His hands to guide you - to raise you - to what He wants you to be: useful for Him.

Just a disclaimer here:
I do not think that God does things to harm us. I think that He allows the enemy to do things to us to see where our loyalty lies and to see if we will call on Him. We are not robots; He allows us to choose - to love Him. If we choose to dry out... He'll help us work through it.

Now back to transparency:
Being in France is wonderful, but I am unable to fully enjoy it all of the time. I have days where I can breath in the beauty of this gift of time here, and there are other days where I am distracted of the coming future. I enjoy certain comforts here (even though I have no dryer or air conditioning) I still have electricity and running water. I think of what it will be in Africa without those (at least for the starting term).  I tend to worry. I know it's wrong & I am learning to trust more. It's hard to keep from thinking ahead when your "job" (ministry) requires a lot of forward planning. Anyway, no more excuses - simply put, I do worry. My time here in France is often muddied by thoughts of "what if's" especially concerning moving on to Africa. I won't list them all, but I think about raising our children and the possibilities of health issues, isolation, war, hardships...blah blah blah.. the list could go on. This is why people think I'm a little crazy for being a missionary. They could never picture themselves or anyone else trying to do what we hope to set out to do. So I myself have moments of FREAK-OUT. I think how could this possibly work?!? We have such a hard time balancing family and learning language at the same time. How will we learn a third language - one that is unwritten? If I let one little worry slip through my defenses, I feel like the whole dam will burst. And then sometimes it does and that's when God lets in the water.

After my heart has been hardened by self-ish worry, God waters this clay again. That's really what is going on when I have those panic moments where I ask myself, "Do I really want to do this?" I am being self-ish. I've weighed the cost for me if I go, but I've neglected to weigh the cost for others if I don't go. It's selfishness. God is faithful to water this hard clay in the midst of my tears through the pouring out of other useful pots.

Pots like my faithful husband who hugs me and tells me I need to stop focusing on the hardships and look at all the great stories and testimonies from the field.

Pots like my dear friend who called me from the States to water my soul & told me to read James 1:2-3. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

She also poured out a little water when she told me you can know that something is really a promise from God if God confirms it and if the enemy won't let you be. 

I begin to breathe and flex in this new space. I've been on the palette a couple times. I've made it to the wheel. Now, I hope to not fall apart while He raises me into His useful vessel, knowing full well that if the vessel tips during the spin, the clay is already soft and can be raised again. :-)

Prov 24:16a ¹⁶ for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again...

I can look back at the times I've fallen or I can look back at the progress I've made and keep going.

Why did I start this blog? WHY?!?

I'm sitting with my laptop by the window in my third floor apartment in France (which I learned is actually the 4th floor for Americans- there's 0, 1,2,3...). I'm still in my pajamas watching the sunbeams burst through my space. I feel compelled to write on this blog even before eating breakfast this morning. I think this is strange because I personally detest technology that interrupts regular life. I also do not like extra time-commitments that I feel obligated to fulfill when I am already very involved with other things. Hence, it's odd that this is my desire for early morning. I like to consider early morning my quiet time. Since I consider most networking/communication tools as barrage of busyness against my brain and its natural rhythm of peaceful thoughts, blogging should not be what I want to do during my quiet time.

So WHY would I, of all people feel so compelled to Blog?

Why would someone like me want to Blog? There are many reasons, but I figure I must be excited about my blog since I regularly eat breakfast before doing anything else. My hubby calls me to the table to eat with the family & I am hesitant, but then I realize I am writing this blog mainly because I long to connect with people. So I relent and go to the table to eat because after all my family is here waiting, and you really aren't here until later when you choose to log on and read this blog.

I started out thinking this would be a good way to keep in touch with news about our family ministry (it will be) but I feel this blog is morphing into something more.


I miss connecting with people on a deeper level. It's hard here in a foreign land for someone like me who loves to chit-chat and to have heart-to-heart conversations with a good friend. I've been journaling on my computer to help ease the transition from the States to a foreign land. Although it is a first world country, France is foreign to me and comes with some culture shock and stress. Journaling is very therapeutic, so I thought why not journal on a blog?! Then people would be connecting with what I write. I realize this about myself now, I have a strong need for people to understand me - even just a handful of people in the world who understand my heart and the words flowing from it.

My attempts to make deep friendships here have been limited to my ability to speak well in French. Well, I went to a home group here last night with my family & for once realized that my husband was talking more than I was. This never happens - except for now it always happens here. I lack the language skills to connect with people in the way that I want. I can understand some and still, of course, not all of what people are saying. I lack the ability to verbalize in French what it is that's on my heart or to even tell people what my life is really like. How do I explain myself and our family goals, when all I can tell them in French is: what my name is, and how many kids I have, and that I am American? (That's progress for me - so bravo to language learning!) So therein lies the extent of any conversation I can have at this point. I think my teacher understands me a bit more than any other French person - God bless her! She tries very, very hard to understand my broken French and my misplaced English words in the middle of a sentence.

I struggle often with the question of why must I learn French, God? I was at a decent level of Spanish (that's what I studied in high school), and I was able to connect with people so well in Spanish - why couldn't I be called to Latin America? Ahh, but I know the answer to that and will not write about it here. None-the-less, French is beautiful, but it has so many rules and patterns of speech that I have not yet mastered and so I feel muted whenever I am around French speakers who don't also speak English. It's like someone has put duct tape across my mouth. I thought it would be easier for me to connect with this particular home group last night since the leaders were originally from Latin America and so their first language is Spanish - YAY, a way for me to connect! Alas, it is extremely trying to think of Spanish words in a room and world full of French - they say that this is a good thing that my Spanish is be drowned out by French. (Who is this elusive they? Who sets up the goals required for learning languages, I wonder.) I suppose it is a good thing that French is taking over in my mind, but it is extremely frustrating at this point. (I did have a dream all in French last night - I've been in France about a month, so I wondered when that would start happening.) This merge from English/Spanish to French will benefit me in the end though. Learning French is my goal for bigger and better reasons (*soft pensive smile*). Ahh, so I will need to still find ways to connect while doing so, and perhaps it will mainly be with you for a while. Thanks for lending an ear to a heart that hopes to be near other hearts wherever I am.

I like to think of this blog as the kitchen table of my life, where for a while I sit and share stories of laughter and tears with a dear friend. Welcome to my table.

Welcome to my table.